"Because you were the one all over him!" Yes, he was being stupid, everyone knew he was being stupid, it was just hard to tell what the real reason was. Did he really fear that Harvey was going to steal his boyfriend? No. Straight and very uninterested Harvey gave no vibes otherwise. If anything, he shoved Edward away when he got too close but there was Oswald, upset over it. Projecting, as always. One bad day and everything else had to spiral like this.
"You're not allowed to tune me out. Don't you dare tune me out or I will have Butch shoot you." Or he'd try to get that to happen. It didn't happen last time. Butch mostly just went to the kitchen to make a snack and left Oswald throwing a vase instead.
"You do realise that if you shoot me, that will result in a rather permanent tuning out?" So this tantrum really had absolutely no root in anything palpable, good to know. Edward rolled his eyes finally and then reached into his pocket for his phone, already starting up the game he was currently obsessed with. "Tell me when you come up with another reason to shoot me, I'll see about getting things done until then."
That said he started walking toward the kitchen. Talking about Butch shooting him made him hungry, just remembering the snack he saw the man make for himself last time. "Anyone else hungry?"
There was a really slow exhale of frustration. This was not going well. "Butch! Do something!"
"I'll take a sandwich if you're making one. No mayo."
Oswald seethed. He yanked away from his henchmen, grabbed his tumbler of whiskey from the desk and threw in the direction of where Edward had gone, hitting the doorway and missing Edward entirely. No one ever said Oswald had good aim nor a good throwing arm. "You're both dead to me."
"Excellent, saves you the pain of shooting us." Edward knew what kind of sandwich Butch liked, because this was the kind of information he stored away in his - according to Butch - weird and creepy brain. Either way, it resulted in a good sandwich and he made himself one too, before heading back into the other room to check on Oswald. "Are you still in the mood to kill me for no reason?"
"I have a reason." Oswald was indeed sulking still. He was at his desk, glaring at some paperwork that wasn't actually paperwork as he tried to ignore the two people who had upset him for reasons. Well, it wasn't hard. One was ignoring him back in favour of making use of his drinks cabinet and the other already made it clear they gave no fucks. "I should get new people in my life. Everyone is replaceable, right? I'll find someone who will follow my orders." There was a long sigh. "Maybe I should call Zsasz."
"I don't think you're his type." It was a fair assessment. If Oswald wanted a replacement boyfriend, he would have to look harder. Edward leaned against Oswald's desk next to him, arms folded as he looked down at him. What even was he supposed to do with this manchild? He could just be glad that Butch had by now figured out that listening to Oswald's orders to hurt him had a distinct possibility of backfiring. "We could make you a dating profile."
"I didn't mean to date, I meant to replace Butch because now you two are apparently tight and neither of you will hurt the other." Which was basically what he'd pleaded for about two months ago. How much he wanted Edward and Butch to get along. And now they did. And he somehow hated it the same amount. He put his head in his heads and frowned, looking at Edward in confusion. "Why would I need a profile to date?" There was pause. "Also I don't date. So no."
"You can't replace Butch with Zsasz. They have very specific skill sets that differ from each other wildly. Also, Zsasz freaks people out." It wasn't the man's fault he looked creepy. Being creepy, however? Yes, Edward did blame him for that. "I was joking, Oswald. Dating profile, online dating. Forget about it." Oh, Gotham. "You are dating me." Since apparently he had forgotten about that. "I mean, right now you want to kill me, but still."
"Zsasz always takes my side." Of course he did. Every time that Oswald got upset, he ordered death or killed someone himself and that was a big kick for Zsasz. No one was happier than him. Last time he was present for one of their fights, he got very giddy. Still, Ed made a point. Butch was better with people and better at advise and they considerably killed less when he was there to talk Oswald out of it. Which he did sometimes do if he could be bothered. "You're my exception." To dating, of course. "Though sometimes I do wonder why."
"Do you?" What was he supposed to say to that? Edward wasn't a fan of the people he loved hurting him. Rejecting him. Telling him he'd go to jail and deserved that. None of that really appealed to him. He looked at his hand, curling his fingers in to form a fist and tightening it until his knuckles were white. He stared at that and tried to analyse his feelings, never an easy task, especially not at moments like this. "So are you proposing we end things?"
"Because I--" He looked up at Edward and there he was, all of his body language showing him how tense he was, how hurt he was and no, Oswald wasn't an idiot, he knew when he was hurting someone. He loved Edward, he did, it was just that stress always came out like this and sometimes it helped them both, sometimes it hurt them both. "I'm proposing that I am an idiot, clearly." There was a slight sigh as he bowed his head and knew he had to stop lashing out before he lost Edward forever. "I'm bad at this. At you. I'm sorry, Ed." He looked down at his papers and frowned. "I had a bad day, I'm being a jerk."
"Here I just thought I needed killing." It was a pretty tired old dance and he supposed he should be grateful it hadn't escalated further, but mostly he was just bored of it. So he relaxed his hand and focused on his phone instead. "I'll whatsapp with Harvey Dent. See what happens." Not that anyone other than him in Gotham had whatsapp. Now, if Harvey had that, that would actually sway him just a little.
"Yes, well, tell him I said hi." Harvey had that thing Edward always tried to get him to use. What if he could use it? What if Edward was impressed? He saw the way his eyes lit up when he saw Harvey's slim lined smart phone and the laptop he used. It wasn't as nice as the one Edward got him but he typed at the speed Ed did, not slowly hunting down keys like Oswald did. And he knew what tech did for Edward. "I just want you to know that I--"
His sentence cut off as Eddie's whatsapp made a noise. Yes, Harvey did use it. Fuck.
"You want me to know what? That you threatened my life for no reason, questioned our relationship for no reason and almost killed me for not taking those threats seriously, but now that I have actually taken what you say seriously, you regret it all and want me to forgive you? I do know that, Oswald, there's no need to catch me up on it." Edward's eyebrows went up and then he quickly responded, eyes flickering from the screen to Oswald. "Your tantrums are beginning to become boring and predictable. I want you to know that."
Oswald didn't know how to react to it. He was going to offer another apology but apparently Edward had already decided to cut that down. He looked at Edward for a few moments before pushing his chair back and getting to his feet. "My apologies. I would hate to bore you with my predictability." He didn't mean to lose his temper, it happened less often these days and it was the first one in a long time but here he was, unsure if he was angry at Edward or himself. Or both. Probably both. "I will leave you alone then." Probably wise before he said something else he regretted.
This evening, he was already sick of it. Might as well see about escalating things. So Edward grabbed Oswald around the waist as he was close enough, pulled him toward him and reached for one of the infamous letter openers with the other hand. Then he made a decision and simply put the letter opener into Oswald's hand, holding his wrist as he led him to his throat. "You're angry at me? Then stop hiding behind Butch."
Why was he doing this? Why was he making it worse? Oswald wanted to stab him in the throat just so he knew not to do it again but no, he was better than this. He wasn't playing this game. He shoved against Edward, which admittedly did very little. "I said I was sorry! When someone says sorry, the polite thing to do is forgive them." He opened his hand so the letter opener fell to the floor before letting his hand snatch out and grab Edward by the neck, squeezing is hard in his grip. "I made a mistake and I apologised! Why does it never end at that? You have to always drag it out. I can never be allowed to just make it right but every time to say it, I forgive you."
"Because you get mad and jealous over nothing! If you want to make a lot of drama for no reason, at least make it a proper show." Edward grinned, leaning his head back to try and alleviate the pressure on his neck at least a little. It was astonishing how often he got throttled, really. Why always the neck? Probably because people hated him talking, now that he thought about it. "What are you even sorry for, Oswald, if you're so sorry?"
"I was sorry. I'm not sorry now, you deserved it." Oswald gripped tighter, part of him wishing that this would be easier but it just wasn't. He huffed angrily and tightened his grip. "I was sorry because someone upset me today and I took it out on you. I was hurt and I was stupid and I was sorry. I was sorry that I hurt your feelings." He let go and struggled himself free from Edward's grip, pulling away and trying to get around Edward so he could just walk out.
"So what? Now you stopped being sorry because I won't just let you walk off? Great. Really great. You're the one who always throws that relationship advice in my face, but I suppose that is only when it's convenient for you." Edward rolled his eyes and let go, but then pushed past Oswald just so he could walk out on him instead of the other way round. He felt he'd earned that right.
"Because." Because of a lot of reasons but not just that and now things had escalated and Edward had stormed off. Honestly, there was probably a reason why villains shouldn't date. He moved out after Edward with a glare set on his face, fighting back every urge to attack him from behind. Things were never easy when fighting with Edward, the best option was always to retreat and hope it goes easier later when things cooled down.
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"You're not allowed to tune me out. Don't you dare tune me out or I will have Butch shoot you." Or he'd try to get that to happen. It didn't happen last time. Butch mostly just went to the kitchen to make a snack and left Oswald throwing a vase instead.
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That said he started walking toward the kitchen. Talking about Butch shooting him made him hungry, just remembering the snack he saw the man make for himself last time. "Anyone else hungry?"
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"I'll take a sandwich if you're making one. No mayo."
Oswald seethed. He yanked away from his henchmen, grabbed his tumbler of whiskey from the desk and threw in the direction of where Edward had gone, hitting the doorway and missing Edward entirely. No one ever said Oswald had good aim nor a good throwing arm. "You're both dead to me."
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His sentence cut off as Eddie's whatsapp made a noise. Yes, Harvey did use it. Fuck.
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