IC Inbox for Mask or Menace

[riddleman]

What has a ring, but no finger?

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Comments

[itistolaugh]

[ A few days after dinner, she sends him a picture dug from the depths of her phone of the other, older, fatter Oswald C. Cobblepot with no comment. ]

[riddleman]

...don't send him that, he's already not letting me cook properly.

But damn. That's... Impressive. How tall is he?

[itistolaugh]

with or without the top hat?

[riddleman]

A top hat, seriously? Well. It would suit him.

Without.

[itistolaugh]

about boob height

[ wait oh no IS THAT WHY HE WAS GLAD TO SEE HER ]

[riddleman]

...there is no good way to respond to that. I'd say lucky him and ask if you slapped him. Although depending on how much him and my Oswald have in common, he'd never have looked, if he noticed at all.

[itistolaugh]

oh mine looked for sure. he was a horndog and everyone knew it but the money was good enough to keep him in women despite his faults

[riddleman]

Forget about the fat. THAT is the funniest thing I've heard since getting here.

As you may have noticed, they don't have that in common. Not even remotely.

[itistolaugh]

yeah i could not be farther from his type. real heartbroken about that, i'm sure.

[ She sends a picture of the other him, for good measure. He is noticeably Not Fat.]

[riddleman]

Maybe you should be. You could do a lot worse than him. But Oswald doesn't date.

Huh. Well. I presume that'd be... Me? There's a quality there, I can admit that.

[itistolaugh]

omfg i DARE you to suggest me and oswald should date to his face

[riddleman]

A dare?

Oh, you are on. What's in it for me?

[itistolaugh]

uh it's going to be hilarious. that's not enough for you?

[riddleman]

No, I like proper stakes. In exchange, I'll make sure to suggest it in front of you.

[itistolaugh]

i'll be your best friend?

[riddleman]

Sorry, lady. That position's taken.

[itistolaugh]

weird that usually works

[riddleman]

Really? Wow. You must have a lot of best friends.

Kind of lowers the value of that offer.

[itistolaugh]

i have a lot of love to give

now go ahead and make another comment about my low value and see how that turns out for you

[riddleman]

'Best' suggest a certain exclusiveness, wouldn't you agree?

But in exchange for your friendship, sure. I'll tell Oswald to take you out. In front of you.

[itistolaugh]

i can be a best friend for a lot of people. that doesn't have to mean they're mine too. you know not everything is fair like that.

[riddleman]

Just be a friend to me. I only need one best friend. He's more than enough.

So, what does friendship mean to you?

[itistolaugh]

[ She did not realize there would be so many essay questions. She starts to write something, gets bored, and spams emojis instead. SUNSHINE! UNICORNS! RAINBOWS! HOLDING HANDS! ]

[riddleman]

[Hey, whatever, he can roll with that.]

I really need to brush up on the tech here.

Can you help me with that?

[itistolaugh]

Lucky you, I'm practically an expert and getting sad grandpas up to speed. You'll catch on easy peasy.