"Why are you calling?" Why did Oswald sound so angry? Edward frowned at him and rose to his feet. "Yes, of course. Because I know things." Just because he wasn't working for the GCPD at the moment didn't mean he was out on the loop. He worked with Gotham's mayor and kingpin, he made it his mission to know everything that went down in the city at all times. "He left a riddle?"
Yes, that was a smile on his face now, in spite of Oswald's annoyance. "You're calling me to solve a riddle no one else can solve?" He turned so he could catch Oswald's eyes, smiling so brightly. "Isn't fate funny."
Really? They couldn't want Edward beautifully brilliant brain another night? And not at the exact moment he was confessing his love? Oswald huffed and reached over, grabbing the bottle of wine and slowly filling his glass. Screw breathing, he needed a drink. He watched as Edward spoke and paused when he heard what this was about, a smile of his own forming. Old habits never changed. Of course Jim needed help. He always did.
This was indeed amusing, if not ill timed. Oswald smiled in return, tilting his head to the side as he started to down his wine. Wasn't fate funny indeed. "Tell him you're busy."
Apparently 'busy' wasn't an option once he had a riddle dangled in front of him, so instead Edward asked Gordon what the riddle was. Apparently it 'had to be seen'. "So send me a picture." How difficult was that? Apparently Gordon didn't have a camera with him. "Take one with your phone."
What. "What do you mean, your phone can't take pictures? What year are you from?"
Oh, Gotham. Edward sighed and closed his eyes. "Describe it."
Was having a camera on your phone a thing these days? Oh. Whoops. Oswald needed to upgrade a little then. He only had a flip phone, no camera because he kind of thought that was just a gimmick but if Edward liked that kind of function, he desperately needed it. Oswald leaned back in his chair and watched Edward, unable to look away. He was so handsome and clever, the way he looked, the way he spoke, just everything about him. What a dashing prince.
A dashing prince easily distracted by riddles of all things but no one could be perfect.
"...why a banana." That made no sense. Although, judging by Jim's tone, he didn't think any of the rest made sense either. "Yes, boomerang makes more sense than that. Why can't you tell a boomerang from a banana? How bad is that drawing?" Who left a drawn riddle when they couldn't draw? Edward shook his head and cleared his mind so he could try to mentally picture what Jim was seeing, with slightly improved image quality. "There's a piece missing. Who tempered with my crime scene?" Oh. "Yes. Your crime scene. Sure."
Edward opened his eyes so he could roll them, finally reaching a conclusion. "Airport. Go Tetch." What a clever wordplay. "Have a good evening, Jim. This was a favour, you owe me." He had been learning. He also ended the call, sitting down immediately and looking back at Oswald. "We really are going to start having to deal with this madness. Tetch." Madness, lack of reason, overall nonsense. What a joy. "Sucks."
"Ah yes, Tetch. Perhaps we will, he's becoming a torn in Gotham's side." He just ruined Oswald's love confession and romantic evening so yes, he was all over the the idea of stopping him. Maybe he could do something to end that idiot and keep him away from his life and Edward's. Perhaps he could hire some men to gun him down or catch him so he could slowly skin him alive and explain to him the reasons why leaving riddles in Gotham should be left to one man. Honestly, if he was any good at riddles, it was entirely possible he could end up winning Ed over. And no one wanted that.
God, he was going to have to buy a big book of riddles or something to study up, wasn't he?
"I assume it's all sorted? The riddle, I mean. Of course it would be, I don't know why I'm asking. You're never wrong." He gulped down some more wine and tried to reground himself. How was he supposed to say he loved him now? Jim Gordon had ruined his speech. "Well done of making sure you get a favour in return. Well learned."
"I've no idea why he's suddenly leaving riddles. That's not his modus operandi at all and it doesn't make sense with his shtick either. What's he playing at?" Edward frowned and shook his head slowly, then remembered the look Oswald had had on his face before and decided it was time to refocus. The riddle of the Mad Hatter could wait until later. Solving crime, almost as much fun as committing it. Almost.
"Perhaps he'd just copying those who came before him now? He doesn't seem the most original or forward thinking. I never liked men like Tetch, too chaotic. There's no point to it." He had no idea what to say now, how was he supposed to get back onto topic? Why not? He could do this. He could win it back. He took a deep breath and decided to go just go for it, to just say when he felt and hopefully he could get it out this time. "Look, Edward, what I was trying to say was simply that I l--"
This time, Oswald phone went off. He looked down and dear God, no. This time it was Bullock. What even. "What is the problem now?" Oswald opened his flip phone, put it to his ear and snapped out in a harsh tone. "No. Sorry. Busy. Go away and stop calling us!" Slapping the phone close, he threw the phone across the room in perhaps a childish display of spite and picked up his glass of wine in a huff, listening to the crunch the phone made as it hit the wall. He needed a new one anyway.
"Mental note: Get the mayor a new phone." He heard the phone fall to the ground. Twice, because it wasn't in one piece any more. "Stat." Well, this evening was certainly turning out to be very eventful. Edward shook his head and finally took a sip from his own glass, motioning to Oswald to get on with it. Before they were interrupted again.
"Nevermind." Oswald said dejectedly as he slumped in his seat and finished off his wine. "Fate does not want me to say what I want to say. Perhaps courage was a foolish idea." There was a sigh as he pour himself another glass, just to get him through this evening. Telling Edward he loved him was clearly not something the universe wanted. Perhaps they knew something he didn't. Like Edward would say no. Or he'd say yes and it just hated him that much. "Forget about it."
"...no, tell me." How dare he not tell him after all that preamble! Edward wasn't a naturally curious man. He was an unnaturally curious man and right now there was a secret he honed in on. "What is it you wanted to say?" How long did he have to wait for this? It wasn't even a riddle, it was just frustrating. "Tell me."
Oh yeah, how could he dangle something and take it away from Edward? Of course his curious nature would get the best of him. Now he had to find something else to say to him or he'd never let it go. "I was thinking today that I really love the way you make wine choices." There. That would have to do. His tone was deadpanned and clearly so done with as he drank more wine and debated how to try this again. Next time, no phones. Ever. He'd smash Ed's too if he had to.
That so wasn't it, even if Oswald's tone didn't make it obvious, he'd have known. His eyes narrowed and he looked at him in deep thought. An unsolvable riddle being presented to him in form of his only friend in the world.
What was he even saying no to? Fortunately the wine was starting to kick in and all the fucks he'd given a moment ago were just melting away. He finished off another glass and started to pour himself a third. God, he was going to be so hungover tomorrow. Then he could take all that pain and anger out on Jim freaking Gordon. "I don't know, Edward. From where I'm sitting, you do make amazing wine choices."
So now he was definitely lying to him. It had to be something emotional, because this made no sense to him whatsoever. Edward sipped his wine and looked at Oswald suspiciously, until he schooled his expression into a somewhat more pleasant mask. "So all you wanted to tell me today, the thing that was of so much importance that you wanted a special dinner, what you couldn't tell me without a long preamble, it's that I'm good at choosing wine?"
"Some things, my dear Ed, have to be said in a certain way, in a certain mood and this is not the mood I wanted for what I wished to say. There's a routine, a dance, to how you do these things and if I looked back and remember that I told you I loved you during the worst dinner ever I--" Wait. Did he just... oh no. Fuck. How? How did he just end up saying it like that. Oswald closed his eyes and winced as he felt himself slowly sink into a pit of despair. He was in love. Madly and deeply in love and that was how he told his true love? Accidentally mid rant. "I-- I, erm, I didn't mean to say it like that."
And like that, glass number three was slowly disappearing too.
Had he heard that right? Edward leaned forward, hands folding in front of him as he looked at Oswald like he was a complex riddle. "What do you mean?" He wasn't that dumb, but this was at least a way to buy time. He had never loved someone he hadn't creeped on for months, years, so this whole concept was a brand new revelation. He had never really creeped on Oswald, mostly because Oswald hadn't seemed to mind any attempts of getting close after the initial... "Huh."
"What do you think I mean?" Oswald sighed and gave Edward a look. Was he really asking? He was pretty tipsy now and the secret was blown so why even try to be subtle about this. "I love you, Ed. Not as a brother, not as a friend but as something more. Something special. Love is useless when one-sided and I just had to tell you. That's how this works. True love. You just say it and hope the person feels it. And if you don't, you don't and I can get over it, I can but my feelings that are. You're the one I love." And that was about it really. He could have done this better, grander, maybe with nicer words but what was even the point now?
"Ah." What did he even do with this? His mind didn't entirely seem to want to compute it. "Cool." Maybe he could pretend not to have heard him again? Probably not. So he just smiled vaguely and wished he had cue cards. He thought he was on top of things. Butch was gone, mayor business and crime was well organised and he was still legally sane, they pretty much ruled Gotham. Now there was a new variable and it was an unknown. It was his move but this wasn't chess, this was a game with rules that made little sense to him. "Shouldn't you know better, given my track record?"
"I suppose given my own track record, you're entirely my type." There was no denying it, the last time he felt like this over a man, he'd also wanted to kill him so if Edward decided one day to choke him to death, at least he was consistent. Jim had tried that himself more than once. It was strangely arousing actually... or maybe that was the wine talking. "Also you're 'track record' is one girl. One girl who made you who you are today, who was important to you but nevertheless, doesn't define you entirely. Nor how you could love or act in love. She isn't all you are." Hopefully. At least he hadn't rejected him, played the straight card or laughed. Though he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about the 'cool'.
"That's awfully masochistic of you, my friend." He also didn't like to hear him talk about Miss Kringle. He didn't like anyone talking about her, especially not talking as if they understood. But he supposed if anyone had earned that right, it was Oswald. Edward wasn't under the delusion that Oswald knew him as well as he knew Oswald, but if anyone in the world came close, it had to be him. "My love was my weakness. Realising that was part of what defines me now."
"Love doesn't always have to be a weakness, Edward. Look at what it did for me. People loved me and they gave me this power, they made me their mayor. Love can sometimes be a weapon, a tool, it can help us grow and make us more secure." And as far as Oswald was concerned, it wasn't all bad. Through the love of his mother, he'd always had the drive to do better and to want more, through the love of the city, he had been motivated to try for the position of king once again and through Edward's love... well, anything was possible. That was how he saw it now. Though clearly, Edward did not. Friend? That was what he was going to stay, he was sure of it. At least he tried.
"I will always love you but you're under no pressure to love me that way. As friends, as allies, as whatever we are, just know that your faith in me and your support has made me stronger. And, dare I say, happier."
"Happier. Yes. Yippee." What was he going to do now? He hadn't prepared for this and it wasn't a situation where quick thinking seemed to work in his favour. There wasn't the time to analyse his own feelings either. Edward lifted his hand to right his glasses. He cleared his throat and then took his glasses off so he could clean them, not that they were smudged. This was going so well.
Well. This was awkward. And clearly going nowhere he wanted so it wad a good thing he was back to drinking because the way Edward looked right now and the way he was acting, it all painted a picture of a man who wanted out. Perhaps this had been a mistake. What if Edward left him? What would he do then? He needed him. He had helped him get all this way, he was the one who made all the right calls, he couldn't lose him. "I'm sorry, friend." There. Hopefully that put some platonics back into it. "I know you hate such sentiment. I shouldn't have said anything. We should just ... forget this." It hurt but it was easier to stamp it out now before he lost him forever.
"Friend." Edward repeated the word, polishing his glasses for a moment longer before putting them back on. He pushed his chair back and stood up, looking at Oswald for a few moments before he started to walk around the table toward him. He wasn't quite certain what he'd end up doing, but as part of him knew, being unpredictable had its own charm. He stopped by Oswald's chair, putting a hand on the back of it as he leaned down. "But what you were talking about, it's love."
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Yes, that was a smile on his face now, in spite of Oswald's annoyance. "You're calling me to solve a riddle no one else can solve?" He turned so he could catch Oswald's eyes, smiling so brightly. "Isn't fate funny."
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This was indeed amusing, if not ill timed. Oswald smiled in return, tilting his head to the side as he started to down his wine. Wasn't fate funny indeed. "Tell him you're busy."
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What. "What do you mean, your phone can't take pictures? What year are you from?"
Oh, Gotham. Edward sighed and closed his eyes. "Describe it."
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A dashing prince easily distracted by riddles of all things but no one could be perfect.
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Edward opened his eyes so he could roll them, finally reaching a conclusion. "Airport. Go Tetch." What a clever wordplay. "Have a good evening, Jim. This was a favour, you owe me." He had been learning. He also ended the call, sitting down immediately and looking back at Oswald. "We really are going to start having to deal with this madness. Tetch." Madness, lack of reason, overall nonsense. What a joy. "Sucks."
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God, he was going to have to buy a big book of riddles or something to study up, wasn't he?
"I assume it's all sorted? The riddle, I mean. Of course it would be, I don't know why I'm asking. You're never wrong." He gulped down some more wine and tried to reground himself. How was he supposed to say he loved him now? Jim Gordon had ruined his speech. "Well done of making sure you get a favour in return. Well learned."
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"You were saying?"
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This time, Oswald phone went off. He looked down and dear God, no. This time it was Bullock. What even. "What is the problem now?" Oswald opened his flip phone, put it to his ear and snapped out in a harsh tone. "No. Sorry. Busy. Go away and stop calling us!" Slapping the phone close, he threw the phone across the room in perhaps a childish display of spite and picked up his glass of wine in a huff, listening to the crunch the phone made as it hit the wall. He needed a new one anyway.
Why did he even bother?
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That so wasn't it, even if Oswald's tone didn't make it obvious, he'd have known. His eyes narrowed and he looked at him in deep thought. An unsolvable riddle being presented to him in form of his only friend in the world.
"No."
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What was he even saying no to? Fortunately the wine was starting to kick in and all the fucks he'd given a moment ago were just melting away. He finished off another glass and started to pour himself a third. God, he was going to be so hungover tomorrow. Then he could take all that pain and anger out on Jim freaking Gordon. "I don't know, Edward. From where I'm sitting, you do make amazing wine choices."
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And like that, glass number three was slowly disappearing too.
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"I will always love you but you're under no pressure to love me that way. As friends, as allies, as whatever we are, just know that your faith in me and your support has made me stronger. And, dare I say, happier."
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