yet you cannot live without me

[riddleman]

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[beaky]

Oh. My mistake. It's okay though, I hired you someone new. His name his flint, he has sixty years of office experience and with his new hip, he can get across town to pick up your daily snacks in no time at all.

No, I like women too. They're very beautiful. With their lips. And breasts. And I'm very into it. Shut up.

[riddleman]

Oh, excellent. Nothing turns me on like a fake hip, they really know how to get things moving.

Yeah? I can get you a woman, Mr Cobblepot, no trouble at all. Then you can caress her breasts.

[beaky]

You're being very childish right now.

I want you, no one else. I'm in no rush to caress anyone but you.

[riddleman]

I simply fight fire with fire.

Apparently you don't trust me to be faithful, so why should I bother?

[beaky]

Flint is married. So HA!

What? No! I do! I was just protecting you from her female ways.

[riddleman]

So? Threesomes with elderly couples, what a wild ride.

I happen to enjoy female ways.

[beaky]

They're in their eighties!

Well, I want to keep you safe. And women are dangerous, Edward.

[riddleman]

Yum.

You are getting on my nerves, Oswald.

[beaky]

Why?

I did nothing wrong!

[riddleman]

Fine, be that way.

I'll be home let, just fyi.

[beaky]

You're mad at me.

Why? What do you want from me?

[riddleman]

Nothing.

I'm just having coffee, since no one brought me any.

[beaky]

I can bring you some in future if you like. And a muffin.

You don't need her.

[riddleman]

Well. She's dead, so unless some court of whatever bird is in this season or whoever is currently mucking underneath Arkham would be kind enough to get her back in some fashion, I'm shit out of luck anyway.

[beaky]

I hired you someone else and I promise I won't kill your assistant again.

I just want to make sure you're safe and you're with me.

[riddleman]

So will you admit to being jealous, little bird?

[beaky]

No.

I wasn't jealous. I was concerned and worried and a little anxious.

[riddleman]

"Fair enough. Sit down and tell me what had you anxious."

Yes, Edward had just entered the mansion, Oswald's room and his personal space solely to have a good entrance for that line. he did like setting the scene and so he pushed Oswald into his desk chair, choosing to lean against the desk himself, legs crossed.

"Tell me."

[beaky]

Of course he made an entrance, he always had to make an entrance. Whatever. Oswald refused to be back down by Edward, he felt what he'd done was right. Stopping some painted lady from stealing his Edward. He had no idea when he started thinking like his mother but she was a saint who did no wrong and therefore, she was right. And so was he. Totally justified.

"I believe I said a 'little' anxious and I was simply a little anxious because she was all over you and flirting so clearly with you. And no one knows you're taken or mine because we can't tell anyone."

He had to lay his claim other ways.

[riddleman]

"So you thought that, what, I'd forget all about you merely because she looked better in a short skirt?" Edward frowned and looked down at Oswald, considering for a moment. "That's a hypothesis, I must admit that I don't actually know what you'd look like in a short skirt, but I doubt you'd be inclined to try."

For someone who dressed like a Hot Topic Goth collection reject, Oswald had a strange way of being conservative about his style.

"So it's about that again. You want to tell the world, you want everyone to know, you don't care how utterly idiotic that would be, because sentiment and romance trumps all."

[beaky]

"Because I'm a not girl. Why would I wear a skirts when I'm a boy? Boys don't wear skirts." Oswald just had to make that clear because apparently Edward was confused. Personally, he didn't get why there was such a disconnect there. Oswald knew gender roles very well, he subscribed to them. It was how he was raised and his deep down fear of women didn't help that. Too many barrier he didn't want to cross.

He crossed his arms and huffed a little, looking at Edward with disapproval.

"I would rather we were out and declared our love but I'm aware it's not wise. That's why I haven't done it. In the mean time, I have to watch women throw themselves at you and you can't even say you're taken." And yes, it rubbed him the wrong way.

[riddleman]

"Kilts. What about them?" Seemed like a good question. Edward rolled his eyes. It was adorable when Oswald wanted to explain things to him. He did love him dearly, but he realised there were a lot of limits to his mind, especially where gender was concerned.

"Dear Oswald. No woman has ever thrown herself at me. That is something that only happens to you. With disturbing frequency, by the way. I do wonder why no one has sent a man after you yet, given you're gay as a barrel full of monkeys."

[beaky]

"An exception! Why does everyone always bring up kilts? Forget kilts!" Was there any reason to yell? No, not really but he did anyway because he was a considerably dramatic man who liked to make a scene. Often without self awareness. "The point is that we're different. We don't wear skirts for a reason." That reason being limiting gender roles.

"My mother always said I had a magnetism. Girls flock to me, I can't help that." Just recently a girl had tried to seduce him and it had been an appalling terrifying event. Her hand had been in his pants by the time he cried out for Edward to save him in the most brave and manly way possible. Then promptly hid behind him. Also in a brave and manly way. He paused and gave Edward a look. "Now, come on, I'm not entirely gay." He was. Gayer than anyone else but he was still obligated, to some degree, to like women. That was just how it went.

[riddleman]

"I didn't know you took had an issue with kilts. I find them rather fetching." Edward was amused more than anything by now, so he simply shook his head and made a mental note to find more ways to challenge Oswald's narrow point of view.

"Mhmmm, nope. All gay. Flaming like a house on fire. Gay, gay, gay, gay. So gay." Who cared about maturity, when he could let his fingers climb up Oswald's chest until he bopped his nose with one final: "Gay."

[beaky]

Oswald slapped his hand in annoyance and glared, kicking his chair back to make some distance. He was most definitely pouting now. "Who says I'm all gay? I'm not all gay. Maybe seventy-thirty but I like women. They're -- pleasing. In their own way." They weren't to him. Not that way, never sexually. He did love strong, powerful women who could kick his ass but that was a confusing thing that was mostly about him liking to get his ass kicked and loving strong women who took no one's shit.

"What about me is gayer than you anyway? You're gay! You're dating me." He reached out and whacked Edward on the leg. It wasn't not his mostly manly hit and did little to detract from the current issue. "You sometimes wear pink!"