riddleman | yet you cannot live without me

Damn. Why couldn't they let the wine breathe some other night? He supposed he was going to have to do this on his own merit. He took a deep breath and sat back down himself, biting his lower lip as he tried to think just how to go about it. Should he just launch into it or make small talk? It seemed rude to say it right away when Edward might have news himself or something he wanted to say. And what was he supposed to do? Just watch? He sucked in a deep breath and tried to think of something to say that wasn't just 'I love you, Edward Nygma'.

"So." There was a long pause as he tried to fill this slowly becoming awkward silence. "How was your day?" Wait. He spent the day with Edward. He knew how his day was. Fuck. Good start.

"..." It was the kind of pause where one could practically hear the punctuation, because so far they had spent every moment of this day together, the only exception being the time it had taken to pick out the right wine. Maybe Oswald had already been drinking after all. Edward reached for his glass and tilted it a little, watching the wine swirl around inside. "As pleasant as a day filled with children can be. How was yours?"

"Oh yes, they were quite a handful. I can't say I'm the best with children but the photo op went very well." And he didn't even have to read to the little bastards. Outstanding. He decided to needed to quickly refocus this before Edward thought he was an idiot or something. And if he thought he was an idiot then he was definitely getting nowhere here. "I spent a great deal of today ... thinking, I suppose. Pondering. My future." He paused before adding on the end. "And you."

"Is that so? I thought you mostly spent today trying not to look utterly repulsed in pictures." It wasn't a very serious criticism, but as campaign manager he did think it fair to point out that Oswald still had to work on his bedside manner. On the other hand, he was so enthusiastic, he didn't want to quench that. "You did a very good job of it."

"Well, yes, that too." It certainly took all of his effort not to cringe when that tiny girl hugged him. He simply slapped on a smile, held her back and the picture came out looking normal. And then he retreated the rest room to wash his hands and hyperventilate a little. Why did all the tiny sticky-handed children want to touch him? "Besides avoiding the small children and their obvious excitement, I did have a great deal of time to consider things. And I did. I suppose that's rather why I decided to have this dinner with you."

"Right, right." It was futile to point out that they had dinner most every night and obviously this whole prelude was leading up to the important matter Oswald wanted to discuss. Edward didn't like that he still didn't know just what that might be and it frankly rankled quite a bit. He should be able to predict things like this from anyone, but especially Oswald. Nobody knew Oswald as well as he did, including the man himself. This was annoying. "What is it?"

"You see, Edward, sometimes a man comes to a crossroads in his life, and he has to make a choice." He just went with the lines he'd rehearsed, they flowed naturally. They worked as he said it and he felt himself getting more confident with his words, even if he was starting to feel like his heart was going to smash through his chest. "Does he choose safety and cowardice or does he opt for courage and risk everything? I choose courage." He looked up and met Edward's eyes, trying his best not to get nervous or break eye contact, just watching them for a reaction. Hopefully, not a negative one. "What I'm trying to say is." He paused, clearing his throat. "The thing I've been wanting to tell you all day long is--"

There it was, the words stuck in the back of his throat again but he'd gone so far now, he wasn't backing down. He forced them out, an awkward smile on his face. "I love you."

Edward frowned, tilting his head to the side. No, he still didn't know what he expected to hear now and, no, he still wasn't a fan of the unexpected. He should be able to predict things. He was also running out of patience here, because apparently Oswald couldn't just go ahead and... "Excuse me."

His phone went off and he took it out of his pocket, frowning as he looked at the caller ID and missing Oswald's last words as they were drowned out by the ringing. "Jim Gordon is calling me. Why is Jim Gordon calling me?"

Picking up seemed the quickest way to answer that question, but curse the man's timing.

What? No! No, no, no, he literally just said it and he hadn't heard? How? He was about to repeat it when he noticed that the phone was still going off and -- wait, why was Jim Gordon calling? They never spoke these days, not since Galavan and the idea of him wanting to talk to Edward seemed equally as strange. He didn't have much fondness for either of them at this point. Not that Jim didn't often like his slightly seeder contacts. Maybe he needed help?

Or maybe he just knew and decided to cockblock him? That also seemed entirely likely.

"Why is Jim Gordon calling you?" Oswald said in a tone that pretty much said exactly how he felt right now. Pissed off. They were in the middle of dinner and a true love confession here.

"Why are you calling?" Why did Oswald sound so angry? Edward frowned at him and rose to his feet. "Yes, of course. Because I know things." Just because he wasn't working for the GCPD at the moment didn't mean he was out on the loop. He worked with Gotham's mayor and kingpin, he made it his mission to know everything that went down in the city at all times. "He left a riddle?"

Yes, that was a smile on his face now, in spite of Oswald's annoyance. "You're calling me to solve a riddle no one else can solve?" He turned so he could catch Oswald's eyes, smiling so brightly. "Isn't fate funny."

Really? They couldn't want Edward beautifully brilliant brain another night? And not at the exact moment he was confessing his love? Oswald huffed and reached over, grabbing the bottle of wine and slowly filling his glass. Screw breathing, he needed a drink. He watched as Edward spoke and paused when he heard what this was about, a smile of his own forming. Old habits never changed. Of course Jim needed help. He always did.

This was indeed amusing, if not ill timed. Oswald smiled in return, tilting his head to the side as he started to down his wine. Wasn't fate funny indeed. "Tell him you're busy."

Apparently 'busy' wasn't an option once he had a riddle dangled in front of him, so instead Edward asked Gordon what the riddle was. Apparently it 'had to be seen'. "So send me a picture." How difficult was that? Apparently Gordon didn't have a camera with him. "Take one with your phone."

What. "What do you mean, your phone can't take pictures? What year are you from?"

Oh, Gotham. Edward sighed and closed his eyes. "Describe it."

Was having a camera on your phone a thing these days? Oh. Whoops. Oswald needed to upgrade a little then. He only had a flip phone, no camera because he kind of thought that was just a gimmick but if Edward liked that kind of function, he desperately needed it. Oswald leaned back in his chair and watched Edward, unable to look away. He was so handsome and clever, the way he looked, the way he spoke, just everything about him. What a dashing prince.

A dashing prince easily distracted by riddles of all things but no one could be perfect.

"...why a banana." That made no sense. Although, judging by Jim's tone, he didn't think any of the rest made sense either. "Yes, boomerang makes more sense than that. Why can't you tell a boomerang from a banana? How bad is that drawing?" Who left a drawn riddle when they couldn't draw? Edward shook his head and cleared his mind so he could try to mentally picture what Jim was seeing, with slightly improved image quality. "There's a piece missing. Who tempered with my crime scene?" Oh. "Yes. Your crime scene. Sure."

Edward opened his eyes so he could roll them, finally reaching a conclusion. "Airport. Go Tetch." What a clever wordplay. "Have a good evening, Jim. This was a favour, you owe me." He had been learning. He also ended the call, sitting down immediately and looking back at Oswald. "We really are going to start having to deal with this madness. Tetch." Madness, lack of reason, overall nonsense. What a joy. "Sucks."

"Ah yes, Tetch. Perhaps we will, he's becoming a torn in Gotham's side." He just ruined Oswald's love confession and romantic evening so yes, he was all over the the idea of stopping him. Maybe he could do something to end that idiot and keep him away from his life and Edward's. Perhaps he could hire some men to gun him down or catch him so he could slowly skin him alive and explain to him the reasons why leaving riddles in Gotham should be left to one man. Honestly, if he was any good at riddles, it was entirely possible he could end up winning Ed over. And no one wanted that.

God, he was going to have to buy a big book of riddles or something to study up, wasn't he?

"I assume it's all sorted? The riddle, I mean. Of course it would be, I don't know why I'm asking. You're never wrong." He gulped down some more wine and tried to reground himself. How was he supposed to say he loved him now? Jim Gordon had ruined his speech. "Well done of making sure you get a favour in return. Well learned."

"I've no idea why he's suddenly leaving riddles. That's not his modus operandi at all and it doesn't make sense with his shtick either. What's he playing at?" Edward frowned and shook his head slowly, then remembered the look Oswald had had on his face before and decided it was time to refocus. The riddle of the Mad Hatter could wait until later. Solving crime, almost as much fun as committing it. Almost.

"You were saying?"

"Perhaps he'd just copying those who came before him now? He doesn't seem the most original or forward thinking. I never liked men like Tetch, too chaotic. There's no point to it." He had no idea what to say now, how was he supposed to get back onto topic? Why not? He could do this. He could win it back. He took a deep breath and decided to go just go for it, to just say when he felt and hopefully he could get it out this time. "Look, Edward, what I was trying to say was simply that I l--"

This time, Oswald phone went off. He looked down and dear God, no. This time it was Bullock. What even. "What is the problem now?" Oswald opened his flip phone, put it to his ear and snapped out in a harsh tone. "No. Sorry. Busy. Go away and stop calling us!" Slapping the phone close, he threw the phone across the room in perhaps a childish display of spite and picked up his glass of wine in a huff, listening to the crunch the phone made as it hit the wall. He needed a new one anyway.

Why did he even bother?

"Mental note: Get the mayor a new phone." He heard the phone fall to the ground. Twice, because it wasn't in one piece any more. "Stat." Well, this evening was certainly turning out to be very eventful. Edward shook his head and finally took a sip from his own glass, motioning to Oswald to get on with it. Before they were interrupted again.

"Nevermind." Oswald said dejectedly as he slumped in his seat and finished off his wine. "Fate does not want me to say what I want to say. Perhaps courage was a foolish idea." There was a sigh as he pour himself another glass, just to get him through this evening. Telling Edward he loved him was clearly not something the universe wanted. Perhaps they knew something he didn't. Like Edward would say no. Or he'd say yes and it just hated him that much. "Forget about it."

"...no, tell me." How dare he not tell him after all that preamble! Edward wasn't a naturally curious man. He was an unnaturally curious man and right now there was a secret he honed in on. "What is it you wanted to say?" How long did he have to wait for this? It wasn't even a riddle, it was just frustrating. "Tell me."

Oh yeah, how could he dangle something and take it away from Edward? Of course his curious nature would get the best of him. Now he had to find something else to say to him or he'd never let it go. "I was thinking today that I really love the way you make wine choices." There. That would have to do. His tone was deadpanned and clearly so done with as he drank more wine and debated how to try this again. Next time, no phones. Ever. He'd smash Ed's too if he had to.

What.

That so wasn't it, even if Oswald's tone didn't make it obvious, he'd have known. His eyes narrowed and he looked at him in deep thought. An unsolvable riddle being presented to him in form of his only friend in the world.

"No."

"No?"

What was he even saying no to? Fortunately the wine was starting to kick in and all the fucks he'd given a moment ago were just melting away. He finished off another glass and started to pour himself a third. God, he was going to be so hungover tomorrow. Then he could take all that pain and anger out on Jim freaking Gordon. "I don't know, Edward. From where I'm sitting, you do make amazing wine choices."

Edited 2016-10-27 11:57 (UTC)

So now he was definitely lying to him. It had to be something emotional, because this made no sense to him whatsoever. Edward sipped his wine and looked at Oswald suspiciously, until he schooled his expression into a somewhat more pleasant mask. "So all you wanted to tell me today, the thing that was of so much importance that you wanted a special dinner, what you couldn't tell me without a long preamble, it's that I'm good at choosing wine?"

"Some things, my dear Ed, have to be said in a certain way, in a certain mood and this is not the mood I wanted for what I wished to say. There's a routine, a dance, to how you do these things and if I looked back and remember that I told you I loved you during the worst dinner ever I--" Wait. Did he just... oh no. Fuck. How? How did he just end up saying it like that. Oswald closed his eyes and winced as he felt himself slowly sink into a pit of despair. He was in love. Madly and deeply in love and that was how he told his true love? Accidentally mid rant. "I-- I, erm, I didn't mean to say it like that."

And like that, glass number three was slowly disappearing too.

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